A Pregnant Woman's Battle with Fentanyl Addiction: Choosing Motherhood Transformed Their Futures.
Eight months pregnant and in severe pain, the expectant mother went to the ER after her infection worsened up her legs. Without a job or home, separated from loved ones, she lived in a shed she had built in a companion's property. She was also dependent on fentanyl.
As physicians addressed her infection, she started to feel anxious. Withdrawal was setting in. She leaned over the bed and threw up.
Stephanie eventually collapsed. “I have to get out of here. I have to go home and use drugs.”
She had consumed opioids before arriving at the hospital and had only a brief window to get treated before she was compelled to leave to get high again. She thought she still had several weeks to plan her recovery and have this baby.
The attending nurse disagreed. She told Stephanie she was staying put.
“I am leaving,” Stephanie said.
But the medical facility declined to release her: the leg infection was serious, but physicians found she also had an amniotic fluid leak. The nurse, her nurse, warned her: if she departed, she and her baby would face grave danger.
The nurse convinced the doctor to give Stephanie controlled doses of fentanyl periodically, knowing that withdrawal could endanger her and the baby. After delivery Stephanie would be transitioned to methadone, a drug that alleviates cravings and is often prescribed in addiction recovery.
A short time later, on a day in November 2022, Stephanie had a infant weighing just over four pounds – premature, small but alive.
When the caregiver questioned if she wanted to hold her baby, Stephanie said “no.” She was numb. Her anesthesia was ineffective, her previous intake of fentanyl had been provided shortly before she gave birth.
She felt sick. Unprepared to be a mother. Not fit.
Stephanie had attempted sobriety several times during pregnancy, and felt awful each time she relapsed. She felt without value, criticizing herself for not being able to overcome the challenge. An OBGYN told her to “only” stop using. Even her supplier would not provide to her when she became visibly pregnant.
“But I couldn’t,” she said. “I needed help.”
The widespread belief that her affection for her child would make her stop using only led to deeper self-loathing and self-abuse, a impetus for her to return to drugs. Yet she could not just wish her addiction away, any more than she could overcome a chronic disease.
The baby was taken to the special care nursery. When Stephanie eventually visited her, she was connected to monitors, so small she thought she would hurt her. Cradling her initially, she felt detached. “I gazed upon her and was like, ‘How will I care for you?’” She continued to doubt she wanted to be her mother.
Two days later she decided to call her daughter Izzie, after the professional who provided support to her.
Nurses and doctors told her about a specialized facility, a innovative treatment home where women and their babies are supported as a unit, not apart.
In many parts of America, where a baby is diagnosed with infant withdrawal condition frequently, infants are still quickly moved to hospitals and given drugs while their mothers face custody evaluations. But a small, growing network of centers like Maddie’s Place is showing an important truth: when parents and infants remain united, results get better, foster placements fall and future expenses reduce.
It took Stephanie some time to build confidence to call, but she ultimately reached out. After verifying her eligibility for the program, two staff members came to collect her.
She departed the institution still in recovery, anxious and doubtful about what would happen next.
At Maddie’s Place, Stephanie still feared that authorities would come remove her daughter – even though she was uncertain about motherhood. The anxiety remained: that at any moment, someone could walk in and separate them.
For the beginning period, Stephanie remained isolated. “I avoided interaction,” she said. “I was suspicious at that point.”
Life on the streets, she said, was about getting by. Addiction came first; reliance came last.
Stephanie had a trusted ally, but even that relationship was delicate. The people she loved always found ways to hurt her. She lacked the ability to value herself, not to mention anyone else.
Daily, staff from the center took her to a treatment center, provided orally. Over time, she was starting to get clean.
She utilized each moment outside treatment with Izzie, and could see that her baby was receiving appropriate attention she needed. Her infant faced feeding challenges at first, with sensitivity to certain foods and obvious stomach troubles. She needed nutritional guidance. She also had increased sensitivity and required an occupational therapist – all common issues for babies affected by withdrawal.
Seeing that even a young person understands the need for care, then I could do this. I would become a mother.
One afternoon before Thanksgiving, Stephanie was in the common room, where those still using can come for guided meetings with their babies. An advocate, a mentor, stopped by with her own five kids in tow to deliver baked goods. They all gathered around Stephanie, who was sitting on the floor holding Izzie.
The kids looked amazed in awe of the tiny infant in Stephanie’s arms. “They showed no judgment,” Stephanie said. “They overlooked my addiction. Such issues were irrelevant.”
She has an image of the moment. She is dressed in casual attire, a beanie with a bobble on her head, sitting on the wooden floor with the entryway at her back. She is slender. Her head is tilted forward so you miss her features. She is holding Izzie up on her lap for the other kids to see and they are crowding near, fawning and reaching out to the baby.
Jacob, eight, asked the parents: “Where are all the dads?” The parents responded that the dads were busy, engaged elsewhere, that they would be there if possible.
“In the future,” Jacob said, “I plan to be a great parent. I’m gonna show them that they deserve to be loved.”
Stephanie and her companion made eye contact. “I broke down,” Stephanie said. “When a child recognized that newborns require care, then I found the courage. I would become a mother.”
Tools for treating infants affected by substances have been used for a long time.
The evaluation method was established in 1975|
